Saturday, February 02, 2008

Sometimes you manage to not say things

During a meeting today wearing 'Red' came up. I had heard about it and was in fact wearing a nice Red tie so I was covered for whatever it was. Unfortunately, I still don't really have any idea what it was all about because when someone else asked that very question I had to focus my efforts on the brain - mouth link. I did hear something about hearts and women, and hey, "I heart women" so yeah, I'm all for it.
Generally when someone asks a question something in my mind takes a quick shuffle and throws out the most unusual combination of related things that somehow might be reasonable. To this question it wound up being, "It's like a medal, it means you killed a midget during one on one battle." Which I immediately knew was not something I should actually say but as is often the case I spent the next few minutes of the meeting trying to figure out where it came from and what I would have followed that up with when someone called me on it. Which, strangely, people rarely do. I highly suggest that if someone says something like this you should respond with, "What the F@&%?"

  1. Wearing colors on specific days somehow makes things, like curing cancer, happen. OK?
  2. St. Patrick's day is the biggest wear a color day.
  3. Leprechauns.
  4. "It's like a medal, it means you killed a midget in one on one battle."
  5. "Matt, Dude... What the F@&%?"
  6. "Sorry, when I was kid I asked my Grandpa why people wear Green on St. Patrick's day and he said: 'Well, these days it seems to mean your thirsty, but when I was your age it meant you'd fought in the war and killed one of those bastard Leprechauns in defense of your liberty, country, and daughters virginity!' I was 12 before someone corrected me and now days whenever someone talks about wearing colors for something it makes me think of my Grandpa. You don't want to know what he said when I asked him about virginity."
Yes, that is how my mind works. I don't mean to offend (or intend to attack in a effort to earn a medal) any midgets, nor to imply they are all magical. If the connection my mind made upset you please take you aggression out on the WWE and Hornswaggle as I've seen more of him than any other small person... ever.

1 comment:

Angela said...

Heya! I'm looking for the font-making Matthew Petty. Is this you? If so, will you come find me, please?