Shafted in the Elevator

If you're anything like me, and I'm not saying that you are (but if in fact you are), then when you dream you have places that you often frequent. To the point it seems uncanny when you come across them. You'll be in the middle of some drawn out chase scene and think 'Isn't there an ice cream shop around the corner? I could go for one of those, a nice big scoop of Mint 'n' Chips. You know, if there isn't a line I think I can swing in and pick one up before this monster gets too much closer.' It's usually just about that time I realize that I've routed myself into one of my 'safe' places.

I'm lead to believe, at least based on what I've seen on TV and in the Movies that most people's places are somewhere they went to a lot as a child. The cabin by the lake, the park that 'pop' would take you one weekend a month and after school for one whole week a year, or detention with a particularly rude teacher seem to be the most common. This is not the case for me, my mind seems to have made up its own places and one of them is a mall in San Francisco on the bottom floor of a skyscraper. It made a cameo in this dream I had that I've come to call:

"Shafted in the Elevator"

I had just returned to the bottom floor of the building after dropping a 14-year-old delinquent off at kindergarten. He protested, but I politely pointed out that when he had managed to display maturity equal to the students in that class I would be notified and he could move onto a more respectable learning facility. I did not expect to see him again. Unfortunately at this point I noticed that I had left my cell phone and jacket up there and would have to go back up.

"...if she wanted to have sex in a public place I didn't see why a little public would deter her."

I was standing patiently waiting for one of the three elevators numbered oddly enough as numbers 1, 4, and 5 and wondering what happened to number 2 and 3 when lucky number 5 opened up. The gentleman that I had not noticed standing next to me got in and pushed the highest number on it, it seemed like a good place to go so I pushed it as well and felt a lifting sensation as it took off towards its destination. A few seconds in I noticed that the other man was leaning to his left and more disturbingly looking towards the back of the elevator behind me. 'People don't do that!' I began to protest then realized that he was leaning because the elevator was no longer going up, it was going to the side, and he was looking behind me because there was no wall there.

We were being treated, it would seem, to a tour of the parking facility and I thought that if we happened to pass my car it might be best if I got off and went home, something was telling me it might be easier to just buy a new cell phone if things continued on in this manner. The man started to laugh and pointed towards two policemen celebrating their finding of a car that they believed was being used to sell drugs from. I couldn't see how they would know this as it looked like any other mid-80s crappy sports car, probably an RX-7, although it seemed odd that it was a '4-door'. As we rounded the other side one of the policemen opened the rear door and I could see that there was an office inside the vehicle, too cramped for my taste, and I doubt too many drug dealers have that nice a desk in their back seat. No this was more likely some disreputable businessman who wanted to have an address in this building but couldn't afford an actual space. I cleared my throat to mention this to the officers when the machine I was on surged ahead to the next lot.

I became grateful that our path did not cross with my car for next portion of our ride we were treated to scenes displaying all sorts of savagery. We passed through a lot where hooligans were throwing cars back and forth as if in a game of catch, and judging by the amount of glass on the ground they had been playing for quite some time. As we moved on the violence increased to a level where Ambulances were driving over people to get themselves to safety. That's not something you see often, and I dare say that the man with me may have passed some sort of breaking point then as the smell in our elevator became quite unbearable. I had begun to feel quite faint as we finally passed into the building again and I heard that wonderful 'ding' that meant we had arrived. Quickly I leapt into the lobby for fear of having the doors close with me still in there. I could tell it was not the floor I needed, but it was the floor I wanted, and were I the type of person to kiss the ground I would have.

After recovering my senses I realized that the floor I was going to was the 30^th and that I was only on the 10^th. Athletic as I might be, I was in no mood to walk 20 stories up to my destination, nor was I inclined to walk 10 down to go home. I'd lost a good deal of time on that first run and would probably be late to my new job at this rate, 'course if I could call them and let them know I'd be late it would probably be alright. I noticed that the number 1 elevator was open and beginning to close, as I leapt for it I could see that there was a couple in side starting to take their clothes off. Not deterred I stuck my hand in the door to stop it from closing to which the lady suggested that I take the number 5 instead since she'd just heard it opening. I informed her that was not going to happen and that whatever they had in mind could not possible bother me more than another ride on that foul machine. Furthermore, that if she wanted to have sex in a public place I didn't see why a little public would deter her. Besides which I had not the slightest intention of watching, as neither of them was in the slightest bit attractive. The doors closed and I turned around, but unfortunately we were not going up. Damn!

Whether or not they actually had sex behind me was unclear. I could tell that they at least gave it a go and if they did I'd say that it wasn't entirely successful. I on the other hand was getting an extremely slow tour of the mall. There was no sign of violence here but I dare say it was almost as disturbing. It was like one of those tour theaters you see at museums where you get to take a trip through time and see all of mans' depravity as he lived like an animal and ends at a door the merchandise stand, no doubt to triumphantly symbolize the height of civilization that we are currently at. This could be the sequel to that ride but it just features the depravity of modern man. It somehow seemed more disturbing without the robotic voice to point out and explain what I was looking at.

As we rounded a corner the elevator came into a fast food restaurant and near enough to their phone that I could reach out and grab it. So I did. Finally I could tell my new boss where I was and what was happening! When my boss answered he was upset. I told him that I was stuck on this infernal elevator and it wouldn't let me off! He chuckled and said "Yup, that would do it." I got as far as explaining that I was in the mall when I ran out of phone cable and the call ended without my getting any suggestions on escape.

A few hours later as we were rolling up a hill on the edge of town we went past some people I recognized as coworkers. I pleaded for help and all they could say was that they were looking forward to seeing me in the office whenever I managed to arrive. To which they all laughed uproariously, apparently this was some sort of 'funny' to them. Well I think I have an idea that they won't be enjoying the coffee I'm planning to make tomorrow. If I make it to work that is.